a new day, new dilemma

im a college student so obviously we are on winter intersession and im home basically doing nothing but work. last week we had the worst blizzard of my lifetime and i wasnt able to go out and hang with my friends that are home for break too so i have been siting home doing nothing and if im not doing that im working my ass off at a dead end job. my life isnt going anywhere at the moment. my parents want me to get out of the house but when i do they call and call until i get home. when im home i get ridiculed and yelled at for no reason so obviously i want to stay out of my house for a long time. i come from a very italian family and so i wasnt allowed to go away to college, that's a big no no, but really i think that if i go away for a while maybe my parents and family will appreciate me a little more than they do.

Today my friends wanted to go get lunch and so we went and right after that i had to jet to work so i literally didnt step into my house until after work which was at 9:30 and i got home my mom started being bitchy towards me. like i cleaned my room and did what i had to do around the house before i left the house and i was at work all day so i didnt know what i did. so when i got a call from a friend that they wanted to do something i was quick to say yes because i cant stay in my house any longer. I hadnt eaten dinner because my mom didnt save any for me so i was like lets get something to eat because i was starving. I told my mom if i can go out and she told me i better not be going to get something to eat because i was on a diet and i must of eaten a lot for lunch so i shouldnt be hungry for the rest of the day. Just want to say that i had a salad for lunch at 1 and it was now 10 pm, a person should eat breakfast lunch dinner and i only had lunch today. so i was like no im not hungry even though my stomach was grumbling in front of her and i said i was going bowling. i had to lie to her face just because she said i need to lose weight, but not eating all day isnt healthy either so i dont know her problem. then when i was getting ready she was like  "the little ones" (my little brother is 13 and little sister is 11) "have school in the morning cant you go another night" ....does she want me to stop my life because my little siblings have school? what does that have to do  with me? i have no clue, seriously. 

im not saying my family is mean to me, but sometime i just wish i was a different person with a diiferent family. i cant just deal with the pressure my parents put on me to be the best. i want to be normal for once....

never did this beforeq

so this is the first time i ever wrote one of these things. im not exactly a writer and not so good at writing but i wanted to write about things i felt like saying but no one wants to listen to me so i decided maybe a blog will help me. anyways let's begin....

i work a lot at a local supermarket and i may be there almost everyday. basically all my friends now are the people i met there, and so that means a lot of drama. oh boy the drama. i cant even describe what goes one behind these registers! hoookups, breakups, yelling, fighting.....DRAMA! but the reason i wanted to bring up work is because i work so hard there and never get rewarded. im a part time worker so i could only work 30 hours a week and i work more than that and i do whatever the managers want me to. im a cashier but the other night my store manager stuck me in bakery for a while and i didnt know what i was doing and so i had to teach myself and i got compliments by customers but yet the store manager still doesnt know my name, like rude much?! then yesterday i had an old man throw a box of wheat thins at me and when i went home to tell what happened at work, my mom ignored me, my dad said at least you didnt get fired? (what does that have to do with anything? i didnt do anything wrong) and my siblings said i should stop complaining because they dont care what happens. i was looking for some sympathy because i never get any but apparently i dont care to anyone.

another thing is my mother thinks im fat and is always calling me out in front of everyone and its so embarasssing. and the thing is im not fat, im lean. i dont have fat hanging off me and i have lots of muscle because i work out. i just hate that she does this to me. like my whole family gained weight this year and shes only looking at me, like as if i cant control my eating. im the opposite, i hardly eat and when i do get a bite to eat like lunch or something my mom looks at me like im a monster. i cant just starve myself and plus i dont eat sweets so everytime my mom sees me eating, im eating a fruit or a yogurt or rice cakes. its so annoying.

i dont care if anyone reads my blog, im just venting....